Line Dance Sandwich 

“Let’s take that Line Dance Lesson down the street”. It’s from 6-7pm, two blocks away. Easy, right?

My wife and I have more complex lives than other couples. While all our children have flown the coop, a couple of eggs have hatched in our nest. We are raising two grandchildren, 7 and 8 at the moment. They are independent: yesterday they made their own lunch (packaged Mac and Cheese and Ramen Noodles).  They are bright, learning to be readers: moving past “The Elephant’s Child” to “Encyclopedia Brown”; and I am waiting very impatiently for them to move on to “Wrinkle in Time”, and “Harry Potter”. We are engaged (again) with elementary schools, and homework, and we’re always looking for baby sitters. We moved to a larger house from our “retirement” home.

But that’s not all. We also have my wife’s father, Don, soon to be 89. He has dementia and can’t live alone. He and I, along with his little brother (77), used to go on long bike rides (40- 50+ miles). Now he will walk around the block on nice days, and talks about the weather report.  He mostly watches TV, but on Monday, Wednesday and Friday I take him to 6am spin class. He has bad hearing, bad vision, and no peripheral vision. As a result, he has to walk carefully – shuffling slowly – so any activity where he’s along takes extra time. He also has to turn his head to see something, and the women in spin class have been very patient when he turns to look at them. He has the same jokes every day, “Do you think they can make the music louder?” “Are we there yet?” “(sings) Back in the saddle again” “Another day, another dollar….in debt”. He likes to be useful and has decided that it’s his job to do the dishes.

This morning Sue had to run some errands, so when I went down to make breakfast, Don was watching the kids watch TV. He saw me put a pan on the stove and get some eggs out. I offered to make some for him, but he declined. Instead he started putting the dishes away from the dishwasher. This is his way of making contact with us. I have very conflicting thoughts when I see him holding a utensil and trying to figure out where to put it, while he’s standing in front of an empty pan that’s getting hotter and hotter. Usually, I let him figure it out – unless he asks, or unless something’s about to get hurt. As he finished putting the top rack away he said, “This dish isn’t clean”. He put that dish back in. The bottom rack, he decided, was all dirty. Sometimes we pull dirty dishes out of the cupboard. Sometimes we wash dishes twice. This chore makes him feel needed and happy, though, which far outweighs a crowded kitchen or an unexpectedly dirty dish.

The combination of the two care-taking jobs is tough. First is the sheer variety and volume of food that we need to purchase, store and prepare. Sue almost always does this, and it consumes a lot of her time. The kids like different things than us, and Don has his own dietary issues. Every meal is a compromise, and someone is usually unhappy. The way the kids play together is sometimes misleading to Don, whose perceptions and thinking are weak, and he often feels that he needs to intervene, which never turns out well. If we are upstairs – working, writing, doing laundry – Don sometimes thinks we’re gone, which means it’s his turn to watch the kids. So he sits and watches them watch TV. This creeps them out, and they react badly. Sometimes they try to escape upstairs to their room, but Don takes his self-appointed baby-sitting role seriously and will climb the stairs to check on them. This creates a lot of stress for everyone.

My wife and I have been able to get away alone a few times this year – we are lucky to have some family support for Don and the kids. But our social life is mostly separate. She has her literary club, and I have the Masons, and we take turns watching the household for each other. So, how can we do a line dance class?

Both regular baby-sitters are busy or out of town. The kids could handle being left alone. Don could handle being left alone. At 4:30 we started problem solving.

1.       Sneak out – Don may think we’re upstairs and leave the kids alone. But that means leaving both cars, and it’s really too cold to walk.

2.       Put the kids upstairs, and tell Don they went to bed. Then sneak out.

3.       Take the kids in the van with the DVD player, and park it in front of the line dancing place with a movie playing. Not economical. Not practical.

4.       Take the kids line dancing. 

5.       Take Don line dancing (he may not handle the kids being alone).

None of these gives us honest couple time.

At 4:50, Sue ran to get Chinese for dinner, and we sat down together – the five of us – at 5:20. At 5:50 we looked at each other, realizing there’s just no way to get there from here.

But we learned from this: next time, we’ll start planning sooner. If we want to do something specific, at a specific time, we need very careful planning. Don’t get me wrong – we still have spontaneous moments – but they don’t often involve leaving the house together.

Don Bike's his age (in miles) (again)

Saturday Don biked his age, riding 83 miles from Byron Center to Sand Lake and back. This was our third ride of the week; I hadn't been on a bike since the PALM.

The first ride I did with Vic and Don left from Byron Center. There was flooding and construction, so we stopped riding it. When it was rebuilt last year, Vic realized that the Byron Center trail could be connected to the Comstock Park trail and we would have an 82 mile ride -- and that his big brother was 82. So Don rode his age last year. Once you start a tradition you have to keep it up, so this year we rode 83 miles.

Saturday was a great day because we knew it would take all day, and none of us had other plans. The weather was fantastic with tolerable humidity and very mild temperatures.



(Above left -- Don's PALM shirt is so old it is undated; right -- Vic cleans his hands after our initial rest stop at mile 1. Consider these pictures "Before").

We started a little late because of me. I had several things keeping me from leaving on time, but most frustrating was a lost glove. I have had a dreadful time leaving the house lately, even though I wake up with plenty of time to get ready. I borrowed Susie's gloves and we were off to Byron Center.

Kent Trails does a wonderful job putting together a useful mixture of street and trail riding. Even with the great pavement and well-marked routes, Don managed to take a spill that scared us at mile 10. He survived with a small amount of road rash, some grass stains to his jersey, and a sprained thumb. I put a band-aid on his leg, but none of the scratches were serious.

(Above you can barely see my Eagle Scout First Aid skills at work)

At the end of that trail segment we passed the Wyoming water plant, then ended up on the street in the middle of a bike race. It reminded me a little of a scene in Mary Poppins, except there were no Penguins and we did not win the Darby.

As we made our way through Grand Rapids to the next trail head, I was amazed at the complete disregard some cyclists have for traffic signals. I'm not mentioning any names because I don't want to jeopardize Vic's Pilot License.

When we got to Rockford there was a street fair going on. We rode up to the main street on the trail and stopped. Vic hurried through before a parade passed. I was stuck behind it. It turned out to be a small drum line who turned onto the trail and past the street fair. Instead of stopping and enjoying the moment, or riding 50 feet to the right and taking an alternate street, I hurried past the drummers on the path to catch up with Vic. After getting away from the crowd, I felt like such an... well let's use the word "cad". Don made a more graceful choice by taking the alternate street.



(Above, the bike trail through Rockford, usually one of my favorite spots)

I think it was the sudden change from quiet biking on a trail to a sudden crowd of teenagers with drums that discombobulated us.

Vic and I talked about a variety of topics on the way up. Most importantly, his success at solving phone bills for a client of his, where they will save thousands every month. We also discussed some of my work, and how I'm going to try to minimize the amount of red ink from my New Orleans bike ride.

Even though I was starving, and the best eating plan would have been to stop in Rockford on the way up and the way back -- spacing our eating to every thirty miles or so -- we pushed through to Sand Lake, where there were Gigantic Cinnamon Rolls waiting for me. Vic tried to get in my head "maybe they stop serving them after breakfast... maybe they won't have them today". It didn't work: I had faith.



(My raison de vélo, with extra raisons)



(Our breakfast)

Once we'd had some food and iced tea, we could look at Don's thumb and sympathize. He said it affected his braking, so I suggested he bike slowly enough that he wouldn't need that brake.

On the return we were much more considerate through Rockford. Lest you think we starved all the way home, we managed to survive by stopping by Wendy's for a frosty.

We took a small diversion to add an extra mile to the route. Don's computer showed 41.6 at the half way mark, but Vic's showed 41 even. Mine was right in the middle at 41.3, but Vic wanted to be sure his brother suffered -- I mean enjoyed -- every mile of his age so we went a half mile down a new path, then back. On the way back we passed mile 71, and Vic stopped us to celebrate his age with some grape juice.



("After" -- all smiles)

The best thing about this day was not having to hurry -- or worry. Don's been very strong lately, and Vic and I were certain he could do it. And he did -- all 83.85 miles.

Dialing for Dollars

Sue and I are planning a trip to New Orleans by bike. We'll tow Mark and Annie, and I'll work from "home", much the way we did last year around Lake Michigan. Our plans are going smoothly except for our budget. We are trying not to increase our debt load in order to cover our costs (about $5000).

We have already taken the RV (driven by a nanny) out of the budget, and will be subsisting entirely on Ramen Noodles.

I've tried to think outside the box so we might include a bottle of bourbon in the budget.

1. Game shows

When I was a kid, there was a tv show where they'd call you and if you were watching the movie -- and answered the phone -- you'd win money. "Dialing for Dollars". They have not called me yet, but -- like Janis Joplin -- I'm hopeful.

Even though the phone is silent when it comes to "free money", I do have people calling me all the time offering me loans. I think loans affect my debt load, but I'm not a financial genius. And they might expect me to pay them back. So that won't work.

2. eHow

I read that someone is making $1000/month writing articles for eHow. When I looked further, I found some drawbacks. First, all the easy articles have been written ("how to change a bike tire"), so I'd have to write something harder ("how to make money on eHow"). Second, it takes a lot of work to write good articles.

3. Begging

"Dear Mr Heartless corporation, please give us money for a vacation that benefits no one". OK, that wasn't presented well.

"My wife and I would like help from ______ for our next tour. In return for your support, we will rave about your ______ (products) on our tour blog (we love them, so its easy to do), and participate in marketing promotions as needed, within reason and proportional to your support. A tour like this will highlight the quality, durability and safety of your product...."

Burley, Apple, Hilton, Wyndham Rewards and Ortlieb were among those solicited.

Burley immediately turned us down, which was surprising in that they have the most marketing to gain from this trip. It would be nice to believe they thought about it, but they didn't blink. If we can safely schlep our toddlers 1000 miles, you can take them to the park, can't you?

Apple turned us down for surprising reasons. We all know they don't need blog buzz from us, but they concentrate their donations on education. Even if we promised to stop at all the historical markers, it just wasn't enough. They still took long enough that I can believe they thought about it.

There's been no response from the other companies, so they must be thinking harder.

I'll stay by my phone, just in case.

Is it OK to bike on Shabbat?

I saw Tom Friedman talk last night; he talked about his book Hot, Flat and Crowded. He talked about a "green" revolution -- and how a revolution creates turmoil, not logos.

(A couple of thing bothered me. He used the Space Shuttle as a simile, and I found it jarring: the Space Shuttle does not reach "escape velocity" -- nor does it try, as it's work is entirely within Earth's gravity well. He also talked about how the world cannot support a large population of people living like Americans, with large cars, large houses, "Big Mac meals"; and that there are millions of people throughout the world who are now living this lifestyle -- Europe, Russia, China... and India. I just don't see a lot of people in India eating "American" Big Macs).

One of the things he made me think about was how my cycling has changed. When I lived in California, and used a bicycle as my primary means of transportation, my cycling contributed to a greener world, albeit in a very small way. It was enabled by Government decree, who insisted my company enable alternate transportation, and as a result, they provided secure lockers for the bikes, lockers for my clothes and showers for me. Mr Friedman thinks that the revolution won't happen without Government involvement.

The kind of cycling Don, Vic and I do is not at all "green". First we drive two minivans at least 100 miles each to the trail head and back. Second, we use recreational trails instead of roads, because we don't have an actual destination we need to reach, unless you can classify our habitual restaurants as "necessary destinations". Organized rides like the PALM sound green because 700 riders cross Michigan by bike. However, the SAG vehicles burn gas along enough miles to make up for it, and virtually everyone rides to or from the ride in a vehicle, easily burning more gas than a motorcycle race.

Raising small children may be the least green thing you can do. As our grandchildren transition out of diapers, the rolls of toilet paper distributed through the house make up for the landfill space that would otherwise be saved by not using diapers; and the number of flushes per day has grown exponentially. When Mr Friedman becomes a grandparent, I wonder how it will change his perspective.

Sue and I are planning a bike tour in September to New Orleans. We won't have a SAG vehicle, and we'll be returning by train -- at least to Chicago. It's probably "greener" than many other vacations we could take, but we're not taking this vacation to make a point, or to be green or anything like that. We're taking it because we need the escape, and this is what we want to do, and I don't really care what it does to the earth.

So is biking green? If you use a bike instead of a car for a trip, then biking is green. But not everyone on a bike is reducing their carbon footprint, and I bike because I like biking, not for any other reason. There is, perhaps, less justification for self righteousness on a bike than there is in a Prius.

And I know it's OK for me to bike on Shabbat, since I'm not Jewish; but for Shomer Shabbat , I am curious.

Grand Haven to Holland

It was the last day of March. The weather was cool, but not freezing -- at 43 degrees, I didn't need tights or toe covers. Later it would climb into the 50's, and as I'm writing this, we are experiencing record heat -- peaking in the 80's. This is my favorite ride; it's all street riding, although there's a side path most of the way. It's harder and prettier than most of our other rides: the rolling hills make this one of the more challenging rides, and we are next to the lake much of the way, so we get occasional glimpses through the homes that hug the shore.



Don remembered everything this time: last time we loaned him a coat, sweatshirt and cash. Unfortunately, due to his seemingly random arrhythmia, he had to abandon the ride about 1/4 of a mile into it. He got the car and drove to Holland. I rode with Vic to Holland, where we all had breakfast. Don and I drove home, while Vic biked back to Grand Haven.


Vic and I took the long way -- which involves some steep climbs and more severe terrain than usual. We also rode as hard as I could, averaging around 13 or so, and taking only a couple of water/coffee breaks. Vic led the way most of the way. My bike wasn't shifting well, so the hills were a little harder than they had to be. Vic had just lost 28 lbs and wasn't using his shifters because, well, he didn't notice the hills.

I wish Don didn't have to bail, and I hope he makes it on our next ride. I'm glad I got those 25 miles in.

Bike Notes: I finally took of my chain to clean it, and this turned into a disaster. First, I couldn't figure out how to use the "master links", so I just broke the chain with a chain tool. THEN the master link broke, but not cleanly. I soaked it in dish washing soap and then sprayed degreaser on it, blah blah. It was clean and dry by the time I put it back. I also cleaned off most of my bike, forgetting the shiny badge on the top tube. While I was doing this, my grandkids were using the rags and soapy water on their tricycles... then rocks, their hair, pretty much anything. When I got the chain reassembled and back in the right place, my derailleur was completely out of whack. I don't know how that happened but the cable was completely loose. I tightened the cable and adjusted it as well as I could, but it was "auto shifting" frequently on this ride, and it won't stay in my second smallest cog. I think I just need a new chain and professional help. After I got home I adjusted it again, as well as I could, and put a new chain in my cart in Amazon, for the next time I spend money there.

Comstock Park to Sand Lake (Grand Rapids)

We had a nice -- if chilly -- ride last Wednesday.

The weather was fantastic later in the day, so we decided to leave at dawn. The temperature actually dropped during the first part of our ride. It was so cold I had to wear socks AND toe covers on my sandals. Also, we had a head wind coming home, which was not predicted by our Meteorologist.




When we got to the park, our usual parking spot was taken. So we parked on nearby private property. We met a talkative lady walking her dog who gave us permission to park there. She had no connection with that property other than living nearby, but we took her word for it and left the cars.



Don's had some unexplained problems with his heart -- seemingly random arrhythmia. On this day, however, he was strong and healthy, and we rode to our late breakfast in Sand Lake at a leisurely pace befitting the first ride of the year. Well, there was one of us with the time, money and inclination who rode a few hundred practice miles in Florida, but for Don and I it was the first ride of the year.

Vic and I hadn't had a chance to talk much since September. (And although he did not bring it up, I owe him a dinner because U of M couldn't win another game). Usually I ask him something technical about electronics and then ride without having to talk for a while, but this time he turned the tables and asked me some coding advice.

It turns out that Vic and I are both on diets, and poor Don had to ignore two engineers debate the caloric content of eggs, cinnamon rolls, etc. We both have fairly retentive ways of documenting and budgeting our food (he's using a spreadsheet, I'm using "LoseIt" on my IPOD Touch), and that topic of conversation never gets old. Well, no one else wants to hear it.

And while I'm on the subject, the cinnamon rolls at the restaurant are to die for. I won't discuss the caloric content, but it is a huge mass of empty calories.

After breakfast we zoomed back: Rocket Don shows up after meals. The weather warmed up and we could take off jackets and heavy gloves. The headwind wasn't very strong -- just enough to notice.

4:20 on the bike, 48 miles ridden.

Apple Cider Century 2009

The Apple Cider Century is one of the largest organized rides in the area. 5000 riders (officially) can chose routes from 15 to 100 miles through the cornfields and wine country near Three Oaks, Michigan. Every few years it is held on my birthday, so of course, the day was all about me. The crowd was mostly well-behaved; the sag stops were full of outstanding food; the route was quiet and scenic. If you like the idea of riding in a huge parade of other cyclists, this ride is fantastic. We can't blame the organizers for the weather, but the skies were blue, the day was mild (60 - 74), and only the 20 mph winds in the afternoon detracted from an otherwise perfect day.

One thing the organizers do better than anyone is mark the route.

Even though my max heart rate had dropped that morning, Don and I still decided to attempt the 100 mile ride. Sue, Ben, Annie and Mark rode a shorter route, and we were able to meet up with them before and during the ride. Sue pulled the Burley.





Don and I arrived early, had a filling breakfast at the firehouse, registered and picked up t-shirts for everyone. We invaded Don's son's house in Three Oaks (coincidentally also named Don) because the line for the bathroom was 20+ riders deep. Don rode strong for the first 30 miles or so.



It was crowded on the roads. Some riders dropped all pretense at courtesy and rode in the opposite lane, which complicated on-coming traffic dramatically. The organizers had police stationed at busy intersections, though, so we were waved through many stop signs.



It was crowded at the rest stops. At some of them, the food was served inside, and cleats tear up linoleum, so you had to take your shoes off in order to eat. This created problems for Don, who has heel spurs, but the organizers didn't have any answer to that. Starve or suffer... fortunately, he had us with him, so he only had to take his shoes off to register. Last year the potato soup was fantastic, but this year it was awful. Still, there was plenty to eat and it wasn't cold.

We met some riders from Chicago who told us how much they liked the South Haven area, and that they had a vacation home in another small town along Lake Michigan. As they left, I thanked them for spending money in Michigan, and I noticed that most of the riders were from Chicago.



It was crowded at the bathrooms. There were plenty of bathrooms, but the crowd overwhelmed the capacity.


The first rest stop on the 100 mile route was 26 miles away. I drink coffee, and my prostate is approximately the size of a cantaloupe, so I'm never going to last 26 miles without a ... rest. Fortunately, there were plenty of cornfields, with tall concealment for privacy. And no lines!


We weren't the only ones who thought of this.

The country roads were well chosen. The route was different this year than last because the roads near Three Oaks are in bad shape. Basically, the asphalt is there to connect the potholes. Three Oaks itself is in bad shape -- it went bankrupt from incompetent (but apparently not corrupt) politicians and was taken over by the state. It was originally settled by hard working German immigrants, and has a long history of conservative, traditional small town values. The main industry died when, sadly, corsets went out of style and the technically dominating Featherbone company went out of business. Artsy-fartsy urban residents moved in and began to try to change the locals, who just want to buy gas and get to work.

Despite this conflict, you can still get great lunch meat at Dryers, and great ice cream at Oakers: the town itself as a lot to offer.

Our route took us north to Baroda. I know one guy in Baroda, a Mason, and I saw him waiting for a line of us cyclists to pass a stop sign. I don't think he saw me.




After the first long set of hills, Don began to tire.



After the second set of hills, Don got tired AND discouraged. We had been biking well all year, but today was not going well. My theory: he had just been to the heart doctor, and whatever change they made didn't work.



The day wasn't a total loss: we got to meet up with Sue, Ben, Annie and Mark in New Troy.



Ben was wearing his favorite target jersey. I was wearing a seer-sucker cotton shirt over a wool ibex jersey. This was a little warm on the climbs, but comfortable the whole day.



Annie and Mark were lying down just like their uncle Ben.


Look! My Uncle is unconscious!



Ben was tired from staying up all night looking for ghosts.



Annie is tired too. Not really, but Ben made it look so fun.



Now THIS is fun, drinking our cider.

My favorite part of rides like this is seeing the other bikes. I saw one other Sojourn, and a couple of nicely outfitted Surley Long Haul Truckers. I saw an A. Homer Hilson ridden by someone with a Rivendell jersey, which had to be ironic. There was a nice Cannondale city bike -- it had fenders and straight handlebars, and an Electra Townie that I've heard make good commuters. There weren't many Tandems or recumbents, but there were a few. There were a couple of Burleys, but none were as used as ours (two crossings of Michigan, one circumnavigation of Lake Michigan, and several day rides like this one will add some wear and tear). No bike shop can afford to stock all these different kinds of bikes, so seeing them all in action is a lot of fun. There were plenty of retro-downtubeshifting-ten speeds. Or so it seemed.

All in all, it's a great ride and we'll probably do it again. What I'd really like to do is ride it NEXT weekend without the crowd.

PS: I've realized lately that the cows watch us. In town there are cameras everywhere, all channeled to the Government, but in the country we are watched by Cows.



Cows have a meeting, dividing the ride watch among themselves.



Nothing to see here, moooove along.